worried. yes. iDOhavetimeslikethat

really not in the mood now to be happy n high.
in actual fact.
i'm not really happy right now.
i'm unable to laugh like i have always wanted.
always trying to show people that i'm cheerful always.
but i'm still a human.
and human do have times when they are weak.

and yes.
right now.
i'm worried for my promos.
it's kinda late now.
since i've already gotten back my results.
it's too late to have any regrets.
but the problem now is.
i'm not being regretful.
i just dunno how to face myself.
jus confused with the FIRST ever worried feeling that i had.
this is the VERY FIRST TIME..
that i became worried with my results.
FIRST TIME. in 17 years.
things have always worked out smoothly for me.
maybe thats the reason why i'm confused.

i am not worried about unable to promote.
since there's this very wonderful thing called Poly in s'pore
maybe this is stress?
i'm not very sure of it myself.
being surrounded by people who get all those great grades.
made me feel THIS inferior to them.
i'm CERTAINLY ashamed of myself.
blaming others for the own mistake i made.
i'm being so disgraceful now.
it's so disgusting to know myself being such a lousy person.

i feel so BAD towards my parents.
somehow.
i feel that i'm responsible for getting goood grades.
but with the kind of grades now.
i'm sure they are going to get SO DISSAPOINTED WITH ME.
it seems that i've been taking good grades for granted.
this promo have certainly woke me up from this dream.
it maybe a lil too late now..
wonder why tears kept flowing out.
cant seem to be able to stop it.
i'm feeling so disgusted by myself.

this post is only meant for me to speak up my thoughts.
dont tell me to be not worried.
cos it's impossible.
dont show any care or concern.
cos with my state of mind now,
i'll probably take it as being hypocritic.
i dont wish to spoil the image of the real u in my mind.
so, pls understand.
i'll be fine very SOON.
i promise.
so act as nothing happened.
act as u have never read this post.
i'll deeply sppreciate it.
Thanks for those who tries to console me.
although it's a lil futile.
but still. thanks for your kind thoughts.
i need to calm down for now. ALONE.

Takkaire guys.